Well today is the last day of the fall semester. A few hours ago I took my last final and packed up all my things. This semester was a blur. My friends and I have talked about the fact that it is really hard to remember what happened this semester. It feels like nothing happened. All we did was sit around and do schoolwork. Time flew by and I really have no idea what happened to it.
Although I can't sum up this semester in a short phrase or even remember the weekly happings, this semester more than any other I have seen God working away consistently at one specific area in my life. Romance. I can't say that I am a very romantic person. No one would ever describe me as artsy, free-spirited, or going off the beaten path. I am too realistic. Too pragmatic. Too structured for any of that "stuff." So naturally, romance feels pretty unnatural. What feels even more unnatural is the sense of God romancing me. In fact, even saying that feels quite creepy. But that is exactly what God has done this semester.
Throughout my time at Taylor I have realized how skewed my view of God is. I have no problem seeing Him as my authority, a Holy and powerful God. However, this whole "daddy" and "loving" and "beautiful" God thing has really thrown me through a loop. I prayed about this a lot over the past year and became so frustrated when God wasn't allowing me to see Him in the same way that others were able to. But this semester I definitely saw this prayer get answered. And it really wasn't anything that God did differently (well, He can't change, but that is a completely different and awesome thing about Him), but instead how He opened my eyes to see Him differently. I saw the world, the weather, my schoolwork, other people, and myself in a completely different light. I guess I can't really explain it, but it's my story, and I guess that is just another reason why it is beautiful.
This semester has also been hard at times. I learned a lot about friendships and dealing with past hurts as they have come up again. The last month and a half haven't been the greatest at Taylor, but I have learned so much through them and once again, even though it was painful, it really was beautiful.
The other night I was in bed reflecting on the semester and hurts and just how ready I was to get out of here. And I was sitting there God told me..
"Bethany, if I have gone through such great lengths to prepare your heart and its timing for Colorado, how much more will I be at work once you finally get there?"
After about a 10 month period of really not wanting to go to Focus anymore, this realization really blew me away. I finally feel ready and excited for a new direction.
I guess this whole post might not make a lot of sense. It is months worth of stories and situations sumed up in a few short paragraphs, but I guess I can't really start talking about my experience in Colorado unless you all know where I am coming from and how God has prepared my heart for the ride.